The Vampire had a really good day yesterday. Uncle M and I have been working hard on keeping everything low key, and doing everything in our power not to become angry with either child or yell. There was one point this morning, that I wanted to yell, but instead I picked the Vampire up and said you are not listening to me right now, and I am becoming very angry with you because of it. Again, it was all over putting shoes on. She said her pants were too tight and she couldn't bend over to put them on. I said "then let's go change them into something more comfortable." She insists on wearing the tight pants, but asks me for help with her shoes. She will learn on her own - so I leave her in the tight pants, and help her with the shoes. The pants however... might disappear in the wash when they come off of her body.... I hope and pray today is just as wonderful at daycare for our little Vampire and that before too long, I can change what I call her in this blog!
The Drama Queen had two accidents in her pants yesterday. I smelled the first one when I got home from work, and made her change her undies, and I cleaned her up. We went to dance class, and I could tell she had another accident. I discreetly asked her if she had an accident, and she said no! I told her that I could smell something, and was sure that it was coming from her. She denied it again. Uncle M asked me if I wanted him to take her home to change her undies, and I told him no - that she didn't use the restroom like she should have, so she will deal with the consequences. Yes, I am hard about this. She is five years old, and old enough to say to someone that she needs to potty, or even just excuse herself from an activity. I usually keep a change of clothes on hand, but this day, I didn't have it. Her usual punishment for accidents is to wash the undies out in the back yard with the water hose, then carry them to the basement to be washed properly. I told her that if she did have an accident she would have to do this when we got home. Again, she insisted it wasn't her. Other moms smelled it. They were checking their kids, and deducting who it was. One mom looked at me and mouthed "I think she had an accident." I mouthed back "I think she did too." On the way home, I asked her about it again. She then admits to me that there is poop in her undies, but she hasn't a clue how it got there. I run through a few scenarios that are nearly as insane as her not knowing how it got there, and ask her "Did aliens snatch you from dance class, poop in your underwear, then return you?" and "I guess some fairies snuck into your undies and took a dump then flew off unnoticed?" She insisted that couldn't happen, but she still didn't know where the poop came from.
At this point, I am frustrated that she is lying to me. I told her that she will have to hold vinegar in her mouth while she rinses the underwear out because she isn't telling me the truth. She then tells me that I am the one lying, and begins to yell at me. I reminded her that I am not yelling at her, and she will not yell at me, and that I don't want to hear any more on the subject unless she wants to tell me the truth. She sits in silence the rest of the way home. I get her into the house, and get her undressed for her shower. She is tired, and she is sobbing because she knows that she has to rinse the poop out of her underwear, while holding a cotton ball with vinegar in her mouth. I reminded her that she wouldn't have to have the vinegar, if she had not lied to me about the accident. She sobs "I know" and takes the cotton ball from me. She tells me how afraid she is to put the vinegar in her mouth. I tell her I understand, but she has to because she was being dishonest, and that I will put it in her mouth for her if she wants me to. She puts it in her mouth, then begins scrubbing her underwear. Crying the entire time. When she is done and has rinsed her mouth out, I get her into the shower. She then breaks down into an absolute mess and says "TT I really miss my mommy." I am washing her hair, and say "I know honey. I miss her too. But I am here and I will never leave you. EVER." She sniffles a little, then says "I love you TT." I told her that I love her too. She is so good the rest of the night, doesn't dally in the shower, or brushing her teeth, and goes to bed/sleep when she is asked to.
The Drama Queen hasn't had very many accidents lately, so I'm a little confused by it, but take it as a rough day for her, and go on. Her teacher called me this morning, when I was going to drop her off at school, to let me know that a little boy cussed her out yesterday because he was trying to help her with something, and she didn't want his help, so he got angry and began yelling and cussing at her. She had mentioned a little boy being mean, but didn't tell Uncle M the entire story, and we were so busy getting ready for dance class, that she didn't say anything to me about it yesterday afternoon. I thanked Mrs. B. for calling me, and let her know I'm not angry about it, but I am glad to know so I can help the Drama Queen deal with it. When we hung up, I talked to the Drama Queen about it, and let her know that sometimes people say things in anger, and they really don't mean everything they say, and that we have to just tell them that we don't appreciate the way they are speaking to us, and go on. I have wondered all day if she wasn't dealing with it in her own way by having accidents yesterday in her undies. Maybe it reminded her of things that took place in her former life, it's hard to tell. I was very glad at how I handled it. I was tired, and wanted to snap, but didn't, and the reward was amazing. I punished a child for doing wrong, but when it was over, she still told me how much she loves me, of her own free will. So I feel I handled that situation as best I could.
The Vampire has mentioned that she wants a bunk bed. I have been toying with the idea of buying them one to maximize space in their room anyway, but am now using that as incentive for her to stop biting. She told me yesterday afternoon on the way to dance class "i used to bite people when I was a baby." I hope that is a sign that she is going to stop all together soon. I am encouraging her to know that she is a big girl now, and that big girls who don't bite people deserve bunk beds, etc. Hopefully it will help her to remember through the day that she can't continue to hurt people. She insisted all yesterday afternoon that TT Mommy is her best friend, and wanted to be so close to me. It was exhilarating to hear her sweet little voice declare that I am her best friend. I am making strides to savor those small bits and pieces that I will look back in ten years and smile upon, and miss. It is not every day that I am the beloved best friend of a three year old, and freely told by a five year old that they just love me. Small battles... and one day we will have big victories!