So on Friday night, I made up a batch of Cherry Chip Cupcakes. They were for a baby shower that the girls and I attended on Saturday for one of my co-workers. The ten cupcakes remaining at the end of the shower went home with the girls and I. I let each of the girls have a cupcake when they finished their dinners on Saturday. Now the entire time they are eating and watching Snow Buddies, I am doing dishes and laundry, trying to stay ahead of the game on the house cleaning. I usually fold all the laundry in my bedroom on my bed, because it is the largest surface in the house. I get the laundry folded, and I'm putting it all away. I sail into the kitchen and put dish towels in the drawer, and on my way back out spot something odd about the cupcakes under their opaque cake lid.... I open it up to see that someone has licked the pink frosting off of a couple of the cupcakes, and has used their fingers to pull it off of others. Every single cupcake is missing most if not all of it's frosting.
I call the girls into the kitchen, and say, "Ok... who did it?" They both stare at me with these blank "I don't know what you are talking about" stares. Then I say, "Ok I'm pretty sure that Uncle M didn't lick the frosting off the cupcakes with his finger, and if Hobie (our 90lb golden lab) had done it... well I don't think he would have put the cupcakes back on the plate with the lid over them when he was finished. I certainly didn't do it - so that leaves two little girls, who did this?" At this point they both begin blaming each other. The Vampire insists it was the Drama Queen, and the Drama Queen wails that it wasn't her, it was the Vampire! I'm thinking that it was probably both of them, but tell them to march into the bathroom for their showers, because if they can't tell me the truth of what happened, they are both going to bed. They cry, they fight, they even beg, and I stick to my guns and tell them I won't put up with the lying, and that if they don't BOTH tell me the truth, then they're just going to bed.
Needless to say, they were both in bed by 7:30 Saturday night. They blamed each other till they were blue in the face, and had horrible hateful attitudes and argued with me the entire shower about anything they thought they could argue about. In hindsight... I was thinking I probably should have made them both sit down, divide the remaining seven cupcakes, and tell them that they had to eat the rest, since they slobbered on them all ready, but I was so angry that they crept into the kitchen and devoured the icing in the small time that I was folding/putting away laundry that I couldn't see straight! I don't even know if that would have taught them a lesson or if they would have been thrilled to have sat there and enjoy the Cherry Chip goodness.
We did a whole house cleaning yesterday. The girls and I started in their bedroom, and Uncle M focused on his man cave... I mean the basement. We have a couple of bags of clothes, and a box of stuffed animals to donate from all the cleaning, and I am hoping that since I made the girls help me organize their room, that they will have a new respect for where things should go, and how to clean up properly after playing (who am I kidding... right?). I scrubbed the bathroom from top to bottom, literally. Swept out heating vents, dusted fan blades, moved and swept under living room furniture, mopped all the floors, it was a very busy day. While the Vampire napped, the Drama Queen cleaned up the toy station in the living room.
When the Vampire woke up, I let her and the Drama Queen sit down and have a real tea (kool-aid) party complete with cookies, and saucers. They were watching a "Learn to be a Princess" DVD, and having tea time on the DVD, so I thought what the heck! See the girls have a hard time with imaginary play. They just can't seem to sit down and play together using their imagination. So I thought this might help them. I was in the same room, cleaning the entire time, and coaxing them to do what the Princesses did in the video. It was funny listening to them try to make polite conversation, like asking how the weather is, cause the concept of the weather to a three year old is just lacking, but they tried. Most of it was the Drama Queen telling the Vampire how to do this, and how to do that. The Vampire was just excited that I was letting them actually eat/drink out of their play dinner ware, and was content to oblige the Drama Queen and happily eat her animal cookies. To my dismay, neither of them tried to dip the animal cookies in the "tea" but the Princesses in the video weren't doing that, and they were trying so very hard to be like them. It was precious.
After tea, they learned to wave, curtsy, sing, and dance like a princess. They insisted on changing into their princess gowns after tea, and although the dancing part seemed to bore the Vampire, she did try! They are both a little young for the singing part, as the words were displayed on the screen like karaoke, and neither of them can read, but again, they tried. It was a priceless moment in time for me, and Uncle M seemed to be enjoying it too, as he carted things out of the basement, and to the street for trash day. It is moments like these that I think about how very much their mother is missing out on. I can't help but wonder in moments like these, if she really even cares, or wonders about what exactly it is she is missing out on.
Mom was also doing some deep cleaning yesterday. She called me up and let me know that she found the Vampire's baby bracelet. I nearly cried. Something to put in the baby book. I was speechless with joy. She also wanted to let me know she found my sister's porcelain doll collection. She wanted to know if I was comfortable with her keeping it and giving it to the girls at a later date. I told her that I am fine with that, and when the time rolls around that we feel they are ready, and mature enough to have them, we will give them to the girls. Part of me doesn't want to give them to them at all. I feel like I am digging the past up and tossing it into their faces. There may come a day that they want those dolls because they want to feel closer to the woman who gave birth to them. That day will be for them to decide. I am also feeling like I don't want to let her see them when she comes to Ohio to visit in March 2011, if she comes. I wouldn't do it to be mean or vindictive to her. I also wouldn't prevent it to be controlling or harsh toward those kids. I just don't want them to have to deal with her walking out of their lives all over again. It will have been 19 months since she left come March 2011. I can't imagine how hard it will be for the kids to spend a little bit of time with their mother, only to have to spend months again coming to terms that she is going to be gone awhile again. I may be wrong in thinking this, but I feel like they will be able to rationalize and understand it better when they are older. It may not prevent the anger, and the hurt at having lost her, but all I can do is gently prepare them for those feelings when they are older, and be completely honest with them. I am fairly certain that if I ask them now if they would like to see her, they would both say yes. I know they miss her, and love her. I know they don't understand what has happened, any more than I understand why it all happened.
So again I am at an impasse. I think I will put it all out of my mind for now, and when the March 2011 date grows closer, I will talk to the kids therapist, and see what she thinks would be best for them. And maybe when that time is a little closer, maybe I will mention to them that if their mom did come to town to visit, would they be interested in seeing her. Until then, I will turn my energy to things that really need my attention, like weatherstripping for the doors to the house, cleaning leaves up before the snow hits, making hot cross buns with the Drama Queen since she has a sparked curiosity from the childrens' song, Hot Cross Buns, and continuing to support the Vampire in her bite free days!