Wednesday, December 1, 2010

On the First day of December

We woke up to snow on our front porch.  OK... so it was a dusting.  But it was snow.  It was the much needed push to put me into the Christmas Spirit.  I turned the all Christmas Music radio station on in the car for the girls and I, and we sung carols the entire way to daycare/school.  Well the Drama Queen and I sung, the Vampire just listened.  She doesn't sing often.  One song that has always touched me deeply that has been transformed into a Christmas Song is Pachelbel's Cannon in D.  Trans-Siberian Orchestra has done an amazing rendition of the song, and I would like to share it with you.  I can not fathom the ability to write something so perfect, so beautiful.  To be capable of hearing in my mind the separate instruments performing each individual part to make the complex composition that is one simple four minute song.  I hope it gives you the tranquility it gives me.

Trans-Siberian Orchestra's Christmas Cannon

Now that your heart and mind are one in the mood for Christmas, I will pull you up to speed on the activities of the past few days.  Sunday night, the sister who abandoned her children to my mother and myself, spent a bit of time texting my mom.  The first text seemed to be a mis-text, and it seemed as if she didn't know who my mom was at all.  The later texts were angry and hateful because mom, dad, and I made a decision about letting the children see a man who was dying earlier this year.  This man is not family to the children, or to my sister.  He was the husband of the woman my sister was living with off and on for about 6 months before she left her children, for this woman's son.  I didn't know this man very well, and had been told he was in very rough shape.  I didn't think that the children needed to be subjected to that, nine months after their mother had left, and while they were still trying to recover and be free of the life they lived before.  This decision can be viewed as cold, hard, callous, mean, or whatever my sister wants to think the fuel behind it was.  I can tell you plainly that it wasn't.  I chose not to regret what I have done in order to protect those kids, as I am told by some that they were afraid of this man's wife.  They had been though enough.  I chose NOT to add to that.  They are my one care.  I have this thought that I have not been able to shake, and must tell someone.  It is something I have wanted to say to my sister to her face ever since my mom told me about these texts.  You may think it is cruel, but I have wanted to quite coldly state to her "YOU left these children.  It is NOT your concern any longer what mom or I decide is best for them."  I have thought over and over how I could call her up, and say that to her.  Text her, and just plainly say that to her.  Of course I would be starting a fight.  She didn't text me saying those things.  She texted mom.  So I will stay out of it.  But that is how I feel.  When you walk out of a child's life.  Your decision making about what they can or can not do is forfeited.  If I could say it to her, I would state it calmly, then walk away.  There isn't much someone could say to that bare fact.  Yes, she may still care about and love them, but her ability to dictate what they will or won't do...  is just gone.  That must hurt her, but it was her choice.  Not mine.

The Vampire is still biting at school.  Uncle M and I are reading 1-2-3 Magic, and hoping that it is every bit as "magical" as it claims to be.  I am not clear on how this will help her at school, but at least the home environment will (HOPEFULLY) be better.  I am learning through this book that all of my rationalizing things out with kids falls under the "assumptions that they are adults" category.  They are just kids.  I have to remember that.  We have jumped on the band wagon, and I (being the more emotional of the two of us) am working hard to say without any emotion or excessive talking "That's 1" for the first offense when trying to stop them in an obnoxious behavior.  I ended up barking it at the Vampire this morning while drying my hair because she decided to yell at me when I put the toilet seat down and asked her to sit on it.  She looked at me for a second and started bawling (but stopped yelling at me).  I didn't mean for it to come out as harshly as it did, but I am learning too.  Hopefully they can be as patient with me, as I am trying to be with them.

The director of the Vampire's current daycare would like to have a meeting with Uncle M and I.  Uncle M assured me that this isn't anything serious, just that they want to set up a game plan.  I know in my heart it is serious.  It's their "last ditch effort", before they have to tell us they can't handle her anymore.  I see the defeat in her teacher's eyes.  I see the lack of excitement some of them display to see my little Vampire.  I just pray she doesn't see it.  I am trying my best not to be negative, but I can feel a great change on the horizon of this little one's life, and I fear the change isn't that she will stop biting.  The good news however is I will be able to get some professional photos of the little tyke.  She missed them at the last two centers, but they will be taking some of her tomorrow.  It will come complete with an ID card (photo and all) that I can keep in my wallet, and (God Forbid) if she ever come up missing - I would have something handy to give the police when I tell them to find her.  For that I am very glad.

On Monday the Drama Queen sat down and wrote her very first letter to Santa.  It had all the finesse of a 5yr old "Dear Santa Claus, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want".  It was so sweet, though.  She wrote it in red crayon, and I asked her if I could make a copy of it, and mail Santa the photo copy because the original was so special to dear ole Aunt TT.  She smiled and told me that would be OK.  I have the envelope addressed, and promised her that we would walk down to the mailbox at the end of our street tonight and drop it in.  I asked the mailman today "so where do all the letters to Santa really go".  He told me that the postmaster usually replies to them.  I was shocked and said wow - that's a lot of work I'm sure!  He told me "not really, but don't put it in the blue mail box at the end of the road, put it in the box on your house.  The blue mailbox mail gets scooped up and processed through Cincinnati.  The mail straight from your house goes through your local office."  Isn't it nice to be friendly with your local service-personnel?  So I will have to tell the Drama Queen that we will put it in the mail box on the house, and let our mailman take it away tomorrow.  I am very excited to mail a letter to Santa with her for the very first time. 

I hope to start getting Christmas decorations up soon.  The Drama Queen told me "TT, you can put the tree up, but I want to help decorate it."  I smiled and told her I would LOVE to have your help with decorations!  I hope that the Vampire joins in on the decorating fun, and Uncle M doesn't mind me putting the All Christmas Music channel on our stereo system while we all get our house prepared for Christmas.

Love,
Aunt TT

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