Friday, January 28, 2011

If I didn't have kids...

I had dinner with one of my best friends tonight.  This is a woman who never ceases to amaze me.  She has overcome every obstacle I have seen her face with such grace.  The obstacles she faces aren't anything easy either.  She has a disability, and she is a single parent of three children.  She is one of the best moms I have had the pleasure of meeting, and I strive to be like her in some of my parenting skills.

This friend of mine said something to me tonight when we were talking.  You see the love of her life lives 15 hours away.  He has for years.  She misses him dearly.  They were teenage sweethearts, and she longs to be with him every day.  She doesn't let this hole in her heart stop her from living her life, though.  She knows that if she is patient, that they will be able to be together some day soon.  She announced a month or two ago, that she is going to be moving to be with him.  So we talked about this move a lot over dinner tonight.  She is apprehensive of it, just because she will be alone, without her core of support.  She will have to find child care, a whole new circle of friends, new school, new job.  It is a lot all at once.  I said something along the lines of  "Yeah, the whole move is that much harder with kids"  She responded "If I didn't have kids, I would all ready be gone."  I could see how much she loved her children and her boyfriend in that moment.

I could also see what an incredible mom she is.  You see my sister ditched her three children and ran off with a guy she just thought she was in love with.  My friend, has been through years of a long distance relationship because she won't leave to be with him until she is sure everything is squared around for her three young children.  I see the vast differences between my sister and this woman I would be proud to call my sister in this one simple statement.  "If I didn't have kids, I would all ready be gone."  But she stays.  She resists the sadness of being without the love of her life, to be with the three beings she gave birth to.  I know in my heart she would have it no other way.  The kids are her life, and she does everything for them.  I commend her.

My sister on the other hand texted me yesterday.  It was simple, "Hey tell the girls i said i love them and miss them so much and hope they are okay thank you Jessy".  I couldn't bring myself to respond.  I didn't know what to say.  I wanted to type (in all caps) of course they are OK!!!  What makes you think they wouldn't be?  You dropped them in my lap, and I have done everything to take darn good care of them.  I talked to my mom about the text messages.  Mom said that Z-Man's therapist said that the messages are to ease my sister's guilt.  They aren't for any benefit of the kids, but for my sister's own personal benefit, so she can say that she tried to contact her children.  I tend to believe this is true, and knowing this, I don't let it bother me when I see her name or a strange number come across on my phone as a text. I have made it this far.  I won't let one silly little text rattle me now. 

Aunt TT


  1. Tabby. . . I see you in the staement your friend made. You have done everything in your power to make sure your precious nieces know how much they are loved, by you, and your parents as well. You may not be facing a physical move, but I'm sure your live changed paths when you took on the responsibilty of being a guardian to them. You too should be commended!

  2. Thank you very much. You are so kind!