Saturday, June 30, 2012

3rd Mama-versery

Yes Lina - I love what you so aptly named yesterday, and have stolen it for my own literary uses.  Mama-versery.  Thank you.

Mama-versery.  You may wonder what is that exactly?  Well yesterday, June 29th was my 3 year Mama-versery.  It marked 3 years of being a mom - but not by birth, by choice.

As many of you know, my sister left the state three years ago.  Not only did she leave the state, she left her children.  Looking back, I know it was a very self-less decision.  She knew she couldn't give them everything they needed - and left them with people who could.  My heart still aches for her loss.  Sometimes I think she should have stuck it out a little bit longer.  Sometimes I think I should have stepped in and helped her more.  Sometimes I think that if the moon and stars were aligned differently...

I can't change the past.  I can't spend time dwelling in it.  I just have to keep plugging forward.

When my sister left, she was angry.  I think that her anger gave her the springboard so to speak to leave.  It made it possible to drive away, without the three little people she gave birth to.  She said angry things.  I said angry things.  Mom said angry things.  I don't think dad was home that day.  My anger wasn't the raw anger she had, and I was using it to try and motivate her to do things differently.  My sister however is one of the most stubborn people I have ever met (aside from V).  She had her mind made up.  When she left, she left me with three boxes of moldy, disgusting clothes.  She had been living in her van with the children - when she wasn't staying at mom and dad's house.  It really wasn't the best situation for anyone involved.

I remember watching her leave mom and dad's house.  Thinking, "She really did it."  You see I had a gut feeling this was going to happen.  It was just getting my mind and heart to believe my gut.

DQ cried.  She sat on the stairs inside the house and just sobbed.  V cried with her, but she was a few days shy of her 2nd birthday.  I don't think she fully understood what she cried about.  I vaguely remember Z being angry, hurt, but I don't remember him crying.  He was only 6 years old.

Somewhere, somehow I found the strength to do what needed to be done.  I called Children's Services.  Something told me she wouldn't be back any time soon.  I needed the power to be able to provide medical care for these children, to enroll them in daycare, to be the caregiver my sister entrusted to me.  But I couldn't do it w/o having the legal power behind it.  It hurt my soul to call Children's Services on my sister. 

I had so many amazing people supporting me through it all.  So many people gave me hand me down clothes, or went out and bought clothes for the girls - because starting out, I had next to nothing.  My parents, who have always been there.  Uncle M - who is pretty much "Daddy" now - I will need to update that in my blog photos - he has been a rock for me when it seems I won't be able to go on.  My bosses and co-workers, who allowed me to take time off needed to care for these children, and who have talked me through my fears  My friends - whom I have leaned on countless times.  My cousin Kendra - who took on watching the girls until I could get daycare arranged, even though she had two small children of her own.  My Facebook friends who have never complained about my sappy posts.  My readers.  I couldn't have come this far without your support and love, I am eternally grateful.

I would like to say that M and I took the kids somewhere fun, and celebrated my 3rd Mama-versery, but there was a nasty storm that blew through the area last night.  We stayed home, and watched T.V.  From what I hear there are 80,000 people w/o power due to that storm.  I'm so glad we are not one of them, and I hope they can get the power back on soon.

Usually by now I have gobs of dance photos to show you from the dance recital.  I don't because the photographer they used was so expensive.  My friend Lina gave me a gift card for photographer who will be taking photos of the girls in the end of July - and I will share them with you then.  I am excited!!  

V has had three perfect days at school in the past two weeks.  We have heaped praise on her, and allowed her to have a piece of gum when she gets home if she has done well.  We are trying to show her that it's just so much more fun when you do good things.  We went swimming at my great aunt's house on Wednesday last week, and stopped at a local ice cream shop for a treat afterwards.  Well before we stopped the car, V was so excited that she unstrapped her seat belt.  She has done this many times before, and it is a huge no no.  So it broke my heart (and hers) but I had to make an example of the situation.  I told her that if she couldn't get her seat belt back on by the time daddy was done getting the ice cream, that she would have to wait until tomorrow to eat hers.  She tried.  She got angry.  She yelled at me, and screamed at me in her frustration.  I calmly told her to be calm, take a deep breath, and fasten the seat belt.  She tried again, and still struggled.  She got angry.  Gave up.  Slumped to the floorboards and cried.  I coaxed her to try again, and reminded her that she shouldn't have taken her seat belt off to begin with.  Well she started screaming and yelling at me again - didn't get her seat belt done in time.  And I had to withhold the small strawberry milk shake we had bought for her.  She was so angry.  She screamed the entire way home.  I felt like a horrible mom.  It was very difficult.

Once home we put the shake in the freezer, and she was allowed to drink it on Thursday because she had such a fantastic day at daycare.  That made me feel a little bit better.  I hope she got my point.  No screaming and yelling at mommy or daddy.  No unbuckling your seat belt in a moving vehicle.

DQ has been doing well.  She is picking up on her math skills so quickly.  It is amazing to me how much she is like a sponge!  I am hoping her 2nd grade teacher will realize how hungry she is to learn, and keep feeding her.  I will do all I can to help her teacher see that.  She wants to do competition dance next year, and with V out of daycare I believe we will be able to afford it.  We talked to her dance instructor, and she felt that DQ would do well at it.  I am excited for her.  The instructor welcomed V back as well saying she saw vast improvement in her behavior from the first year to this year.  So if she wants to dance - we will probably put her in ballet or acrobatics.

I will try not to be such a stranger.  I just feel like all I do is talk about myself and the girls sometimes.  Like maybe it gets old to you.  Thank you for reading!

Aunt TT