Wednesday, March 6, 2013

A letter to my Sister

Sis,

Today is your birthday.  You are 32 today.  I can't remember the last time we spoke.  I hate this rift, although I know that protecting your daughters is the most impt. thing I will ever do in my life.  There is so much I want to tell you, though.  So many times I wish I could pick up the phone and call you and tell you all about the girls' accomplishments, or the funny things they say and do.  There are times that I wish you had access to a computer, and could read this blog, and by proxy feel close to the beautiful angels that you gave birth to.  I also know that there are truths in this blog that would hurt you, so I sometimes hope you never see it.

I want to tell you about DQ, your eldest daughter.  I'm bursting at the seams with pride when it comes to both girls, but DQ is the eldest, so I will start with her.  She will begin taking voice lessons in the next week.  She is very excited about this.  She loves to sing like we did when we were little, but she seems to have a natural gift for it.  She is only 8, and all ready has a pretty little vibrato voice.  It is adorable.  She is also doing very well in dance.  She didn't get stage fright and freeze up on her first competition.  She danced her little heart out, and seemed genuinely happy the entire day.  She also looked beautiful up on stage.  She has plenty of room for improvement, but with the proper instruction, I feel that she could have a career that has involvement with dancing.

Mom and I took the girls to see The Nutcracker and Cinderella ballets in the past few months.  DQ was enthralled.  The Nutcracker has children dancing in it, and they have try outs in the fall.  She wants to audition to dance in The Nutcracker this fall.  If she is ready, and has time in her schedule.  I will support this dream as long as I can.  She also has it in her mind that she wants to do a solo next year in the competition season.  I will wind up talking to the instructor about it all, to see if she can do it or not, and to figure out the cost of it.  She practices pretty well at home, and can not sit still.  She is always dancing around the house and singing happily.  She saw a video of a child dance prodigy giving training tips on YouTube, and decided that she needs to do it too, so she has begun doing sit ups and crunches in her regular practice routine.  Such drive.  She honestly reminds me of a mix of both of you and I.  I really hope to help her achieve all of her dreams.

DQ's next competition is next weekend.  We will be traveling out of the area for this one, and staying the night in a hotel.  Mom is talking about coming with us.  We are all very excited.   She is also excelling in school.  She is way beyond her level, and I wonder if she will be accepted to the GATE program next year.  She is an amazing little girl, and I wanted you to know that.

V has been attending a day therapy school to help with her aggression, control issues, and attention seeking behavior.  The therapists at the school believe that she could have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), AND Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD).  I don't know if you drank while you carried her or not.  I know that if you did, it was probably before you found out you were pregnant, and I know you never meant any harm to befall her.  I have learned so much about parenting because of V, and her struggles.  We think we have finally pinpointed the root of her issue, and that is she believes any attention is better than none at all.  She is perfectly happy with you yelling at her or even spanking her, just as much as she is with you hugging her and praising her.  So we have had to completely ignore attention seeking behaviors.  It has been difficult, and I am certain we haven't been perfect, but M and I are working very hard to do things differently with her.... and Sis..  it's working.  (I'd better knock on wood, because every time I brag about her the bottom drops out...).

She has been such a happy child these last few weeks.  M and I work very hard to lavish affection on her when she is doing good things, and kiss or hug her often.  We have snuggle time with her and her sister every morning when we wake up before we start our days.  They both love it.  We cleaned a closet out in our home, and took the door off the hinges, and are using this as a time out closet, and both girls are responding well to the technique that the Therapy School has taught us.  The Therapy School is beginning to talk about working towards her graduating from their program and moving back into mainstream school.  I'm so nervous about this.  She doesn't handle change well, and I worry that she will backslide, but hopefully we will have the right supports in place, and we will be able to work through this.

V is the funniest child.  I was brushing DQ's hair the other night and we had the stereo on.  Some goofy funkadelic song came on, and V started dancing around the living room.  She kept dancing right up to DQ's face with the funniest little expression on her own face, and making the both of us laugh until we nearly cried.  She loves to make people laugh.  Maybe we have a little comedian on our hands!  She too is an amazing little girl.  I feel like you need to know how special your biological children are. 

I also wanted to wish you well on your birthday today.  I wanted you to know that I haven't forgotten.  The girls don't know it's your birthday, but I will tell them.  It is important that they know.  I also want to thank you.  I can't begin to tell you the happiness that being a mother to your daughters brings me.  It hasn't been easy.  V has presented us with a world of challenges, but I'm learning that being a parent to any child isn't ever an easy job.  Regardless if you gave birth to them or not.  They all come with their own unique sets of challenges, and you are constantly learning new things, and growing with them.  I still don't haven't had any biological children, and don't know if I ever will.  So the gift of being a mother is the most amazing gift of all.  I know it wasn't what you intended in the beginning, but I am so thankful that you were self-less enough to give them a chance at a better life.  A life you didn't think you could give them.  I commend you for being able to do that.  I do love you.  I don't know how to mend this rift, but if I ever figure out how, I will let you know.  I hope you will be open to the possibility by then.  I can't say I haven't been angry you during this entire process, because I have been very angry.  But I feel like I can forgive you now, and that is good, because it will help me help your children to forgive you.  I love you, and I hope you have a wonderful day today.

Your older sister,

TT

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