Friday, May 17, 2013

Purge

The last few years Mothers Day weekend has been miserable.  I have spent most of the time feeling guilty that I am now mother to these two amazing little girls, and feeling sorry for my sister for having made the choice to leave them.  Every time someone would wish me, "Happy Mother's Day" I would cringe.  It was almost a representation of my guilt.  I mean I took these kids from my sister.  I knowingly went to a court, ratted her out that she left them, and took permanent custody of them.  I knowingly have kept letters that she has written instead of reading them to them.  I have accepted phone calls, told brought her up to speed on things, but not had her talk to them.

Why?  Well she is just too inconsistent.  They deserve stability.  They deserve to have someone who is as constant as the sun.  Someone who will call once a week... month... etc. come hell or high water.  Someone who will write once a week... month... etc.  Not just now and then when the mood strikes them.  They deserve to know that regardless of what happens, their mom will always be there for them.  At present, my sister can not provide that.  So I have been their shield.  I absorb all of the damage that could be inflicted.  I filter out all the anger, pain, distress, and pass along only love and understanding.

My sister isn't a bad person.  She just makes bad decisions sometimes.  One of them is not putting her children first.  So as much as it hurts me to hurt her... I have to shield them from her, and put them first for her. 

Because I have resolved myself to doing what is best for the children, and I have accepted this is my walk in life, this Mother's Day was fantastic.  I spent it with DQ at the Greater Columbus Convention Center for the Starpower Talent Competition.  The girls danced their hearts out, and placed 1st out of their division for their Ballet (also winning a platinum), they placed 8th in their division for the jazz (winning high gold), and they didn't place with their tap, but they did win high gold.  They also ended up being Regional Champions for aged 11 and under, all lines, divisions, etc. for THE ENTIRE WEEKEND.  Meaning they had the highest scoring routine aged 11 and under for the WHOLE WEEKEND!  The average age for their group is 8, so they really did an amazing job.   The older girls in our dance company were also named Regional Champions for the entire weekend for routines aged 12 and up.  So our dance company was the Regional Champions!   We are so proud of the girls.



Every time someone wished me, "Happy Mother's Day" I just beamed with pride.  I guess I feel like I've finally earned the title.

V has started the "ED" (Emotionally Disturbed) program at one of our local schools.  She graduated from the day therapy program as well yesterday.  We find out the results on Monday from the I.E.P. testing.  I also have the ball rolling for Psych testing at Children's Hospital, and have mailed all the paperwork back.  They assured me that once they receive it, we will have an appointment w/in a month.  I am really hoping that her Psych testing comes back with no results, and we are just better informed to be better advocates for our sometimes difficult little angel.

In a side note, I wanted to touch base a little bit about how difficult it can be to have a relationship while parenting a child with RAD.  I've touched upon how intelligent my little V is.  How manipulative and controlling she can be.  Well she has begun using those highly developed skills to play M and I against each other.  How you may ask?  Well I will ask her to go brush her hair, while finishing my shower in the morning.  Instead of doing as I asked, she will go into the kitchen and ask daddy what he wants her to do.   He (not knowing I said brush hair), will tell her to go brush her teeth.  So she will come into the bathroom and ask me to get her toothbrush ready so she can brush her teeth.  I (not hearing M tell her to brush teeth), then remind her that she is supposed to be brushing her hair.  She then says, "Daddy told me to brush my teeth."  I'm sure you see where this is going.  This usually doesn't end well, she usually is in time out and M and I are usually upset with each other.

So M and I have had to be extra careful.  If she goes to him, he will ask her what she is supposed to be doing, or check with me before telling her what to do, and vice versa.  She is such a smart and crafty little child.  It is sometimes difficult to stay one step ahead of her!

M and I are emotionally exhausted, and overwhelmed, so my mom has agreed to keep the girls for the weekend while we head to the great sometimes white north to be with M's family for his grandmother's memorial service.  It will be nice to have a weekend away from the chaos.

The next few weeks are going to be hectic!  My parents are headed on Vacation next Friday, and we will be keeping Zebo for them.  I am trying to find child care for a few days next week while my folks are gone as school is out next Wednesday.  We have dance photos next week with the studio, then photos with a photographer friend of mine the 3rd weekend in June.  We have to head back to the great sometimes white north on the weekend of my birthday (6/8) to pick up M's neice so she can spend the summer with us and help us with the girls while we are at work.  Dance recital is 6/23 at 4:00p (Local friends hit me up, I will get you place/tickets).  In all of this I need to get the psych testing done for V, a vision appointment scheduled for V and DQ, and keep dentist appointments of my own.  Then we have Nationals in MYRTLE BEACH the week of 7/15, where we can defend our Regional Champs title!  I will do my best to keep up with writing, but life is about to get a little crazy!!

Have a fabulous day today!

 Aunt TT


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