Monday, May 20, 2013

Success!!

I have two things to blog about today.

The first?  We have had I.E.P. success.  We had a lengthy meeting at the school, with the school personnel, discussing our dear V, and if she is indeed eligible or not for the I.E.P.  The therapist was hesitant because she didn't want to put a child on an I.E.P who didn't really need one.  She was concerned that they didn't have enough information (b/c V was only in kindergarten for 5 wks) to qualify her for an IEP, and she made it very clear that she could not morally put a child on an I.E.P, unless they definitely qualified for one.  I spoke up at that point, reiterating that V has been kicked out of three daycare facilities, she has been suspended for 5 days in kindergarten due to her behavior, and was pulled out of school and placed in therapy setting that is one step below hospitalization, and still not functioning as a child her age should be.  In my opinion they should have plenty of data to back up this claim.  The therapist reminded me of how intelligent V is (she tested way above where she should be even without having been in Kindergarten for a full year), and that they have to make certain she qualifies.

The parent mentor spoke up and said that they have qualified other children with a lot less. 

The special ed teacher spoke up and said that she thinks that V would benefit from being on an I.E.P. plan.

The therapist then decided that we need to move ahead with it, BUT she will be tested in a year's time instead of three years time.  Which I am perfectly fine with.  I don't want her labled and on an I.E.P. any longer than she needs be.

I also have all of the paperwork mailed back for the psych testing at a local Children's Hospital, and should have that appointment set within the next month.  Hopefully this will rule out any psychological issues, and justify my keeping her off of medications.  If she is diagnosed with a psychological issue, then I will have the knowledge I need to take care of her.

I am excited, and relieved.

Our other success?

DQ has been weepy after spending a weekend with mamaw, papaw, and Z-man.  I asked her this morning what was going on and she shrugged her shoulders.  Here's how that whole conversation went down:
Me: "You have to be able to talk to me about everything.  I can help you."
DQ:  *shrug*
Me:  "OK.  Here's the thing, I need to know if you prefer chocolate cupcakes over vanilla cupcakes.  I need to know which boy at school you have a crush on.  I need to know if you have questions about your biological mom.
DQ:  "why?"
Me:  "Well if I know you prefer chocolate cupcakes... I can make sure you have them at your birthday party.  If I know what little boy you have a crush on, I can ask Daddy not to tease him, and embarrass you.  If I know that you have questions about your bio-mom, I can answer them."
DQ: "I do have one question."
Me:  "What is it?"
DQ:  "When am I going to get to see my real mom again?"
I think to myself, "Bingo.  I knew that was what was bugging her.  She knows that Z-man will be seeing her soon, and she doesn't understand why she can't."
Me:  "I have to make sure you are ready to see her again.  I have to make sure you can handle seeing her once, and not seeing her for a while after that, because she chose to live so very far away."
DQ:  "I'm not OK with that."
Me:  "I wish I could change it, but it is how it is.  She chose to live pretty far from us."
DQ:  "Why?"
Me:  "That is where her then boyfriend, now husband is from.  That is where his family lives.  That is where he wanted to go back to.  He asked your bio-mom to come with him, and she did.  So if you aren't OK with only seeing her once in a great while because she lives so far away, may I propose another option so that we can work our way up to that?"
DQ:  "What would that be?"
Me:   "Why don't you write her a letter?  We will put an envelope with your address, and a stamp in with the letter and mail it to her, and you can ask her to write you back."
DQ:  "We don't know where she lives."
Me:  "You are right, but mamaw does, and she will give us the address.  Would you like to write her a letter?"
DQ:  "Yes.  I would like that a whole lot."
Me:  "OK.  You write the letter, and I will get the address.  I think this would be a good starting point.  Now you need to know she might not write back right away.  Don't let your heart get broken if she doesn't.  It isn't because she doesn't love you, she just might have a lot going on, and we need to understand that."
DQ:  "OK.  I will try.  I miss her."
Me:  "I miss her to sweetie."

I gave her a big huge hug.  She seemed so much happier after the conversation.  I hope I am doing the right thing.  I know that I could be setting her up for failure, but I don't have many other choices.  My sister doesn't have a phone very often - so regular phone calls would be out of the question.  This is also a test for my sister.  Does she care enough to write back on a regular basis?  She has no excuse not to with a self addressed/stamped envelope being provided for her.  This will all be at DQ's pace, because she will only have an expectation of a letter when she initiates one being written.  I will be able to monitor how this affects DQ, while still letting her try to establish some contact with my sister, and I can intervene if it needs to be stopped.  I realize there could be some fall out from this, but I'm putting the ball in my sister's court, and if she doesn't do what she needs to, although DQ's heart will be broken, she will know it is 100% because my sister isn't responding, and not because I am trying to keep them apart.

I will let the girls' therapist know what has transpired, and she can help us deal with any fallout that may occur.  This is big and scary for me, but hopefully I am doing what is right for everyone involved.  And hopefully DQ will feel like she can talk to me more, and will know that she can trust and depend on me.  If my sister writes her back, I will know that I can trust in her more, and DQ will be able to ask her questions, and get to know her biological mother better. 

We have decided to take the kids camping this weekend.  We found a nice campground near where we live that has a swimming pool AND a dog park.  So everyone is happy!  We are surprising the girls with the trip.  They have no idea what to expect yet, and I love to see the happiness and surprise on their little faces when we do things like this!

I feel like we have come so far with things, and will only continue to go further.  I hope your day today is as wonderful as mine has been!

Aunt TT

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