Monday, October 28, 2013

Harvard or Joffrey?!?!

OK...  So I know it's a little early to start college planning.  But it's never too early to start college dreaming.  That I what I am trying to foster at least.  V is a little too young, and her ADHD diagnosis is still too in the way to hear me, but DQ isn't.

***** Warning :  Mommy bragging about to begin *****

DQ has straight A's on her report card.   I couldn't be more proud.  When I read the report card, and the remarks the teacher left for her, I looked her square in the eye, and said, "If you do this the rest of your school career, no door will be closed to you.  You can get into any school you want, and might even land a scholarship."  She beamed at me and said, "The Joffrey Ballet school?!?!"  I was thinking Harvard, but as long as she is happy, and doing what she dreams, I will support it.  So I nodded, and reminded her that she needs to apply the same dedication to dancing as she does school to get into the Joffrey.  So very proud.

****** Bragging over.  Wasn't so bad was it? *****

We haven't received V's report card yet.  She doesn't really struggle with her academics, she struggles with her behavior.  With being able to sit still, focus, and listen.  To keep her hands to herself, her mouth to herself, and recently, has regressed back to eating non food items (glue, paper, pencil erasers, etc.).  Even when I am doing her flash cards with her, she can't contain her excitement at getting a word correct and grabs my face to kiss it, or throws her arms around me (and bops me in the lip) to hug me.  She doesn't mean to hurt me, but she's just so rough, that she does.  I understand that, but I know it's rough for her classmates to understand.  It is hard for her teachers to sometimes control.  I have been told that because of her bad behavior, she might not be invited on the next Kindergarten field trip to a local aquarium.  I am trying to see when it will be, because a friend suggested I try to go with her to minimize her behaviors.  I think it could work.  Just have to get the time off work to do it. 

When V starts her school day out she gets 100 points just for showing up at school.  As the day goes on, she can earn bonus points for doing good things... or lose points for doing bad things.  For the past few weeks, she has been coming home with -17 to -120 points.  We haven't been able to pinpoint an exact reason.  Her teacher and I have been in quite a bit of communication about everything.  Through this, I have made a very very tough decision.

Tuesday 11/5, I have an appointment with the local Children's Hospital to medicate V's behaviors.  I am hoping I have made the right decision.  I understand that only time will tell.  With an ADHD diagnosis, the methods we have been trying have not pulled her behavior up enough that she can focus.  So maybe this will work.  I am afraid.  I know many parents have walked in my shoes, and they all say that the medication helped their children, and I need to put my fears aside and help her.  So that I what I am doing now.  I really hope I am doing the right thing. 

The girls are excited for Halloween.  I haven't had time to make costumes this year.  We bought DQ's, she will be Cleo De Nile (from Monster High), and V said she wants to be a ghost.  She suggested we get a white sheet, cut eye holes, and that she would be so happy.  Love that this kid is so easy to please!

Everything is still on the right track for the big announcement I mentioned a few blogs back.  Things are going so well, that I may be able to move my announcement date up to Thanksgiving instead of the first week of December.  I can't wait to share this new development with you my readers!

Have a fantastic day!

Aunt TT

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

"I Just Miss Her"

Last night in therapy with DQ was a bit of a tear jerker for me.  Halfway through the session, the therapist called me into the room and said that she felt like they were reaching a realization.  She explained to me, in front of DQ (while DQ snuggled against me - she was nervous.  I could tell), that DQ said she misses her biological mom.  I asked her what she misses about her.  She said I don't know.

I asked her what she remembers about her.  She said nothing.  Susan said, "Nothing at all?"

"Well I remember living in a car."  Said DQ.

"How did you use the restroom?"  Susan asked.

"She would take us to restaurants," DQ slowly said.  "We slept in our seats in the car.  We lived with mamaw sometimes too."

I confirmed that by saying, "Yes.  When your biological mom didn't have a place to live she would sometimes live with mamaw and papaw."

"Do you miss living in a car?"  Susan asked her?

"No."  DQ said.

"Well what exactly do you miss about your biological mom?"

DQ couldn't think of any one specific thing.  She said she doesn't even remember what she looks like.  I let her know that if she has any questions about her I will answer them to my best ability.  That I will help her with this any way I can, but she must ask me questions, and let me know she needs my help.  She agreed.

She then started talking about memories that she had with me from when she lived with my sister.  She talked about the time (she was close to 3.5 yrs old) we walked down to an ice cream shop and had ice cream together, and she was so tired on the way home that my ex-husband ended up carrying her back to the house...  sound asleep.  She talked about staying the night at my house with her cousin D, and how they watched High School Musical, and had tons of fun together.  That was five years ago...  before my sister left.  She talked a little about when she cut all of her hair off when she was three, and how she remembers me taking her to the hair salon to try to get it fixed up.  Susan asked at that point why her bio mom didn't just do that for her, and why she called me instead.  I speculated it was because she didn't have the money at the time.  But that struck a chord with me.  She did always call me.  She did always let me have DQ for the weekend (this was before V was born, and while V was an infant).  She even let me take DQ camping 9 hours away from her at the age of 4 for a long weekend.

Susan reiterated to her that she needed to understand if DQ missed her biological mom as a person, or just because she felt like she should miss her, because she was her biological mom.  She wanted to get DQ to understand that she is missing something she doesn't even remember.  Someone she doesn't even know.  I am not 100% sure DQ grasps this concept yet, but at least I know the gears are turning, and with the right love, patience, and time - she will understand.

This was a really tough session for me.  I sat there holding this little girl that I love with my heart and soul.  I began to realize that all of her fond memories of her childhood are memories with me.  That the memories she had with my sister are mostly gone, or are too muddled, and inconsistent for her to draw upon.  In one way it made me terribly sad.  Because my sister isn't a horrible person, and I don't want the girls to forget about her completely.  But in another way, it made my heart burst with love and joy.  DQ doesn't understand, or realize it yet.... but I have given her a better life.  Had I not - she would have lots of good memories of her time with my sister.

We realized in this session that in January, she will have lived with me for as long as she had lived with my sister.  Then every day after that... she will have lived with me longer.  V has all ready hit that point.  Since she was two when I had custody of her, and she is now six.

Hopefully I can keep these kiddos on the right path.  They mean the world to me, and I really just want to give them the best childhood I possibly can.  I guess I ought to pull together a Halloween costume for them then.  I am a little behind in that department.

Aunt TT

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Orange Belt Baby!

My friend that I wrote of in my last blog who tragically lost her 9 month old daughter a little over 38 days ago has astounded and amazed me.  With every post she makes on her Allistrong page I am in shock and awe of how strong she is after suffering such loss.  I want to share her page with you my readers because even if you haven't lost a child - her words are uplifting and invigorating.

Allistrong

There is so so so much going on in my household right now.  I will touch on what I can for now. 

DQ did not make the Nutcracker this year.  One of her friends did, though and we are so very excited for her.  DQ was a little sad she didn't get in, but I told her that it is OK and if she wants we will know more to be able to try next year.  She has been working hard on her solo, and I need to get started on her costume. 

I've still been sewing for the local soap store.  I am nearly done with this project, and am so thankful for the chance to do this.  Hopefully it will be successful for the soap store owner!

V graduated from a white belt (beginner) to an Orange belt in Karate yesterday.  I am so proud of and happy for her.  She was quite proud of herself too!  She saw her belt hanging on my bed this morning and looked at M and said, "I earned that!"  I smiled and M nodded his head at her.  We are quite proud!

DQ is doing well in school right now, she is so intelligent.  V has mastered the first 16 "sight words" that she needs to know for Kindergarten, and her left handed handwriting is improving quickly.  V still struggles with her behavior, and we know that is to be expected.  We stay in constant contact with the teacher, and hope to just pull her through this.

If everything goes as planned, I will have a major announcement to make sometime in early December, so stay tuned!!

Aunt TT