Monday, November 25, 2013

Muffins With Mom

Friday morning, I had the pleasure of going to the school with DQ and having breakfast with her.  It would have been V AND DQ, but V was moved to another school due to her behavior the end of last year.

At any rate, DQ and I waited in line, and picked out our muffins.  She chose chocolate with chocolate chip, and I had blueberry.  We got our drinks.  She chose orange juice, I chose milk.  Then we sat down.

A few of our friends were there, so we invited them to sit with us, and we had a very nice morning hanging out with each other.

Let me back this up a little bit.  DQ has been so excited about this.  She told me all week long, "five more days till muffins with mom!  Don't forget we get to eat breakfast together tomorrow!" Etc.  Really made me happy that she was so happy to spend a bit of time with me.  Now if you keep up on my blogs, you will remember 2-3 years ago, when DQ would get mad at V for calling me mom.  Then,out of the blue, she began calling me mom.

Friday in the midst of what should have been a happy occasion, I was reminded that she doesn't really consider me her mom.  The children were all given poster board and markers to tell their moms why they were thankful for them.  The teachers took photos of the children holding their poster board, and displayed them on a projector TV in the gymnasium, so we could watch this while we ate.  It was all decorated so nicely and was so very heart warming.  DQ was pointing out her friends to me on the TV as the photos scrolled by.  Then there was the photo of my sweet girl.  I read the poster she was holding.  It said, "I am thankful for my Aunt.  She is like my mom."

My heart sank.  I realized in that moment that at home / dance she calls me mom.  But at school, she calls me aunt.  One of her friends told her a few weeks ago, "I think it's so weird that you live with your aunt."  She told me this later Friday when I asked her about calling me "Aunt" at school. 

DQ is quite the sensitive child.  She reminds me a lot of myself at that age.  She doesn't usually try to be the loudest or most visible child in a setting with other children.  She waits to see what the other kids do/say before she chimes in usually.  She likes to be accepted, and part of the crowd.  So I think she sees herself as different for not being just like "all the other kids" and live with her (in her mind) real mom and dad. 

What she doesn't understand at the age of 8, is so many children in today's world are displaced from their biological homes.  Some are in a similar situation as hers.  Some were adopted in infancy because the bio parents were selfless enough to give the gift of life to a family that could not otherwise have it.  Some children live with grandma and grandpa because mom and dad are in jail, drugs, or worse.  There are so many circumstances where children aren't at "home". 

But home is where your heart is.  Hopefully one day she will see that.  One day she will realize that she is home, and I am every bit of a mom that her mother was to her.  Some tell me that I am more of a mom than her mother is to her.  But who am I to judge that?  I am not angry at her for how she feels.  I understand.  But with all I do, I can't say I wasn't a little hurt.

V had a really good day at school on Friday.  She earned 136 points!   She starts the day off with 100 points and it was the first day all year long that she didn't LOSE any all day long.  We are so very proud of her, and hoping today can be just as fabulous.  On Wednesday last week, she didn't take her pill and instead took it to school with her.  Thank goodness the teacher found it.  So we have had to crush up the pill in a bit of apple sauce or yogurt and give it to her.  I'm really glad they didn't suspend her for it, as I know they could have.  Academically she is above where she needs to be, and is doing so well on all of her spelling tests.  Her handwriting has room for improvement, but she is a lefty, and I understand the challenges she faces.  But she seems to be doing good right now.  I should knock on wood.  Every time I brag on her all heck breaks loose. 

My next blog will be quite the exciting one!   Stay tuned!

Aunt TT

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