Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Murder Porn

We don't have cable in our home.  We did for awhile, but our priorities changed from watching TV to raising two very active little girls.  To keep them involved in all the activities they wanted to be in - we made some small sacrifices.  One being cable. which I am proud to say we have lived quite well without the past 2-3 years.

Instead we have NetFlix, and restrict the kiddos to the Kids side of the program.  When they watch T.V., they watch something that we approve of (although sometimes M and I have different ideas of what we approve of).  

In a great many ways, I am happy we have done this.  We have more control over what our kids are exposed to.  They aren't going to accidentally see a commercial that is a little risque for their tender minds.  They aren't going to stumble across some premium channel programming and wonder what "Big Busty Blondes" is all about, because V is learning how to read, and DQ is quite proficient at it.  With everything out there that kids are exposed to, I am glad we have this minimal amount of control.

They do see and hear things at school still, or from their friends.  DQ was singing some song the other day, lyric for lyric, and I was shocked at the words.  When I asked her were she heard it, she said from a friend at school.  I told her it didn't sound like a very nice song, and she might not want to sing it.  She shrugged her shoulders.  Kids.  But at least I can be a little bit of a filter for the stuff she hears at school.  I try to keep an open and honest relationship with both girls, and encourage them to talk to me with any questions.  Hopefully this will get us through the teenage years.

I have been watching a lot of Murder Porn on Netflix.  At least that is what M calls it, because of the South Park episode making fun of this genre of reality T.V.  Shows like "Disappeared", "Behind Mansion Walls", and "Deadly Women".  One running theme I see in these shows is that most of the adults that grow up to commit these heinous crimes have had horrible childhoods.  Not all.  Some people seem to be born destined to kill, hurt, and maim others.  The majority, though had a very rough childhood.

One story that struck me really hard was the story of a woman who killed her friend's boyfriend because the boyfriend was abusing her friend.  She got caught by an innocent bystander after having killed the boyfriend, and "had" to kill this person as well to keep her crime quiet.  They then talked about the history of this woman.  At the age of 9 (DQ is 9!), this woman was doing drugs.  I immediately thought where could this child get these drugs, and how did the mom NOT know she was doing it?  They then touched upon the fact that the mom was actually doing drugs with her daughter.  By the time this woman was 13 years old, she was doing heroin, and was also a prostitute.  She actually turned tricks with her mother.  The person who was supposed to teach her right from wrong, and protect her, was the person (in my mind) responsible for her killing later in life.  Such a very sad story.

This may sound stupid, but what I gather from these shows is better parenting tips.  It is a very real reminder that what I do right now, will help shape the lives of these little girls.  That what M does right now will help shape their lives.  Watching these shows actually helps me to have more patience with V, because I can tell you now - she really knows how to push your buttons, and make you mad when you are trying to get her to do the simplest of tasks.

There is a fine line in parenting.  One that I don't want to overstep.  Although I believe in making sure my kids get the proper amount of discipline, I don't want to go overboard with that.  I want to make sure they also have the proper amount of love, self-esteem, imagination, and play time.  It is such a tricky tightrope to walk.  Especially with V.  She is so sneaky and impulsive that we have decided that she is not allowed to be alone at all in the house, and either M or I are standing over top of her constantly.  Unless she is sleeping of course.  That would just be creepy!  We have learned the hard way, that if we don't do this, bad things happen.  She either picks on the animals, her sister, destroys the walls in our home, her sister's toys, etc.  You get the picture.

So it is hard not to be oppressive with V.  It is sometimes hard to find the good to praise her for.  I certainly don't want to raise her to be someone who is in jail, or hurts someone else.  I want her to be happy, healthy, and live the very best life she can.  So I keep looking for the good, and praise her for it like no tomorrow, and keep disciplining the bad until it hopefully goes away.  And such is the life of a parent with a strong willed child.

Aunt TT